short intro

This blog is about my journey so far... recovery from the years spent focusing only on individual details instead of the big picture. My new selves of the past are explained by this new big picture- and is quite strange to lose the layers of change I thought I had obtained. Further down the path of frustration and exhaustiong.... reaching out for that true self trapped behind stone of complex PTSD

Thursday, July 15, 2010

what is friendship?

It's come to my attention that "most people" have purely social relationships. I'm not officially sure what a purely social relationship is supposed to be.

What's the purpose of a relationship if it doesn't stand for some common belief or goal? My friendship with my spouse is built on the common goals of independent living, education, and unity, and is strengthened by shared interests in computer gaming, science, music, and non-theism. We also share social inhibitions and prefer to be alone. She gets intense anxiety but can share in emotion and pick up those cues.

I'm supposed to be friendly with my family, keep in touch with them, etc. this is difficult for me since my goals are opposite of theirs, since I choose not to base my entire life on ritualistic beliefs and requirements.

I don't even maintain non-family friends, in the traditional way at least. My friends are the people I interact with online to share knowledge, ideas, and creative endeavors. At work once I had a professional friend who exchanged feedback and ideas with me. They really helped me improve myself and also looked for my opinion when they had challenges.

People at work think they are my friend since they come to me with questions about things I'm the expert on that we deal with at work. When they start to share what I view to be stupid and ignorant beliefs I just ignore it or play along. They aren't my friend. The point is, it appears to me that they think I am their friend and support their dumb ideas.

A few of my friends I spent time doing things with around adolescence have just become unreachable in the ways I prefer (IM/email/social network). I haven't reproduced the circumstances that created that type of friendship in my adult life really at all as compared to the amounts of free time one has as an adolescent that does not need to work for a living.

No comments:

Post a Comment