short intro

This blog is about my journey so far... recovery from the years spent focusing only on individual details instead of the big picture. My new selves of the past are explained by this new big picture- and is quite strange to lose the layers of change I thought I had obtained. Further down the path of frustration and exhaustiong.... reaching out for that true self trapped behind stone of complex PTSD

Thursday, October 14, 2010

stranger

you suddenly notice the reasons why you did everything you have done, and why you weren't aware of any of it, exactly.

you previously thought you knew yourself, but you were mistaken.

you have become a stranger. you are foreign. someone who is completely inexplicable and yet somehow totally predictable.

despite being well practiced, all your actions feel strange and forced. still going through the same exact motions, but all the old meaning is gone.

habits made obsolete, but... you don’t quite know how to construct better ones.

have you ever wondered what it feels like to wake up?